As far as most people are concerned, BDSM stands for Beatings, Dick-punches, and Shaking Mydamnhead at the thought of people needing to do that stuff just to get off. In reality, though, pain and injuries are just a very small part of the typical BDSM experience, which is ultimately all about intimacy. But then there are the… atypical experiences. I recently talked to Arya who likes to engage in more extreme forms of BDSM and this is what I’ve discovered:

Fire Play Can Be A Lot Of Fun But You Need Coolheaded Partners For It

Fire play is a category of BDSM where you use torches (though not Tiki ones because racists have ruined those forever) to tease your partner with open flames. Arya explains:

“Typical scene: you take flasks, a bunch of flasks, fill them with alcohol, pop the fire wand in them, once the wand is soaked in alcohol you take it out, wipe it against edge of flask, light it up, and move it across someone’s skin. What you do, you follow it up with your hand, so no flames linger. Follow the fire with your hand so it doesn’t linger. If you leave it on too long it doesn’t burn but normally it feels somewhat warm. It’s very relaxing.”

It’s an advanced kind of erotic play because if you call someone “hot” during it, it’s less of a compliment and more of a statement of fact, so you really need to step your game up. You also need to be constantly on your toes in case shit goes sideways into a burning fan. Arya, unfortunately, explains:

“I once bottomed for someone who didn’t know what they were doing … I was lying down on a massage chair, and she put a dab of alcohol on the small on my back, and this is for advance people only. So she took the fire wand and lit it on fire. Good. Then you should hold your hand underneath it because sometimes the alcohol might drip flames from it. She didn’t do it.”

”She carried the wand over my back and then a piece of fire dripped from the wand and fell onto my back that was full of alcohol and started a fire on my back, between my shoulder blades. Just started a fire.”

Now, there were wet towels and a fire extinguisher set up in case of an emergency so Arya wasn’t worried. But, in the end, they might as well have been visual props because Arya’s partner just, ironically, froze up at the sight of the fire. It was then up to Arya to get the situation under control.  “I stopped, dropped and rolled until the fire went out. Then I took the burning fire wand from her limp hand and blew it out. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns.”

To be fair, though, fire play can be a lot of fun if you do it right, like during another scene where someone set a wet towel on fire on Arya’s back and everyone started roasting marshmallows over it. No, really, that actually happened. “I told them: save one for me.”

Knife Play Is Essentially All About Fear

Knife play uses sharp objects to cut, scratch, or just arouse your partner during a BDSM scene. It’s essentially a form of fear play where the possibility of being cut is what’s keeping everyone aroused. Sort of like being inside a horror movie. Only everyone is really horny and it’s all very steamy and erotic. So, it’s like being inside Friday the 13 Inches. Or Halloweiner… The Thing. OK, I’m done.

“It doesn’t feel as sharp as you might think,” Arya says. “It’s not painful, the pain builds up if you want. The weight of the knife won’t make you bleed … I did it once with someone who was not OK with blood but was OK with faking it. I ran the knife on them and then brought the scalpel up. I made lines with the back of the blade which was not sharp and when they were not looking I would cut myself and gather the blood and present it to them. They super enjoyed it … It’s a good way to fuck with their mind without breaking their boundaries.”

That’s not to say nobody wants to actually get cut during knife play. Blood isn’t just a great way to write angry letters to the manufacturers of your favorite discontinued cereal. It can also be kind of an aphrodisiac: “[The first time] I lay down on a mattress, had my hands tied, and then the person started. I was on my stomach. They were doing it on my back, caressing my back with a knife. They started off easily, but then became harder. They gathered the blood and made me look at it, I got an instant high, I melted, I was like OH MY GOD. And then with my consent they made me lick it. The first time it was just a massive rush.”

“I don’t consciously know why but I think that seeing my own blood really added a dimension of physicality to the whole thing.”

“My very life fluid. Something that would not normally escape. Something so important to my very existence,” which can only really work with blood. Sadly, science still isn’t at the stage where we can make bone or spleen play a thing.

Scarification And Branding Are All About That Endorphin High

Knowing that you “belong” to another person, and vice versa, can be a very intimate thing. It’s the only reason why we wear wedding rings or get names tattooed on us, but those things are so impermanent. You can easily get rid of both with a cheese grater. Scars and brands, though: now THOSE are permanent, which is why they are popular among the more extreme fans of BDSM.

“I have a spider web on my calf,” Arya says, “a tree on my chest, the rest of my scars on my arms, back etc are resulting from knife play. There’re hundreds of them. My current favorite is the diagonal scar on my right shoulder blade. I really want more scars on my back [and] more face scars but that may not be a good idea. I don’t negotiate the scars as knife play but as scarification.”

”I only do this with people I am very close with. Romantic partners close etc.”

Scarification is probably the ultimate form of intimacy where you quite literally allow a partner to brand you for life. It takes an insane amount of trust from both partners. Though one does get an endorphin kick from the pain of being cut, so one side is clearly getting more out of this than the other. Especially during heat branding.

“It was soon after Thanksgiving. I recently got married and I went with my now wife to the basement and agreed to get a heart brand. We got thin gauged wire and she made a heart, she knew what she was doing. She got it into an orange-y glow [with a blowtorch] then I sat down with my back exposed … she pushed the brand into my skin and for the first half second I didn’t feel much then I started hearing sizzling and smelling burnt flesh, it was so extremely painful. I started yelling at the top of my lungs. Developed a sore throat after 5-10 seconds of yelling … I saw charred flesh, 3rd degree burns, but I was so high, I had this natural endorphin high.” Then, still not fully satisfied, Arya went for the ultimate submissive experience: getting on a Delta flight.

Hypnosis Play Is A (Dangerous) Thing That Exists

Hypnosis is a weird thing. We all know what it is but there isn’t a universally agreed-upon definition of it. Is it a sideshow attraction where a guy in a turban waves a pocket-watch in front of you and makes you think you’re a chicken (which I still say is why it’s not my fault I “ruined” that funeral)? Or is it a psychological therapy tool that can actually modify someone’s behavior? Because how can it be both of those things? Well, in BDSM circles at least, hypnosis is well understood: it’s the thing that can really mess with your head if you don’t do it right. Arya recalls:

“I once had a scene with someone where we negotiated that I would be hypnotized that they will run claws against me and they will feel sharp and painful and I would feel like blood would drain out of me.”

”There are many seminars and classes and so on hypnosis. This person got their hypno certificate from one of those.”

“I laid down on a table, face up. Closed my eyes and started being hypnotized. The person just told me that I was feeling more and more relaxed. When I felt totally relaxed, they ran these metal claws you can buy on Amazon on me. They said they were getting sharper, blood was running out, and I did start to feel it, I would feel those things because I am easily hypnotizable.”

So, it was basically a type of virtual knife play, right? In the beginning, yes. But it soon took a darker turn. The mind is a powerful thing capable of imagining the absolutely best things and the absolutely worst thing. Case in point: The Mummy (1999) and The Mummy (2017). A slightly more relevant case in point:

“Suddenly they laid their claws on my chest and I felt them dig deeper in my chest, and I thought this is serious business. I became terrified of those claws, they felt dangerous in my mind, they did a lot of damage to me in my mind. I got more terrified, soundless screaming, eyes closed. Then they took the claws off my chest and put them next to my neck and said: the claws are near your neck, any small movement and you are going to die. I thought oh my god, I’m going to die, for real, I can die. I was simultaneously terrified through and through to my bones, and at the same time I felt a wave of relaxation like I never felt before. I felt I was ready to die.”

“Terrified, relaxed, and accepting death. But they took their claws away and brought me out. They could tell I had a look of pure terror on my face.”

Arya spent the rest of the night in a haze, walking through hallways, stopping, and “reminiscing about the scene, remembering how I thought I was going to die … I forgot things, like where I was going.” Arya eventually got better but a lesson was learned: hypnosis BDSM is kind of like opening random files on your parents’ computer. Kind of exciting but if you’re not careful, you’re gonna come out of it with some mental scars.