Nightclubs are their own, bizarre little worlds, I assume. I have absolutely no way to confirm this firsthand because I could never get into one on account of being a fat white man with the fashion sense of an even drunker Johnny Depp. That’s why I instead talked to Gary and Adam who’ve worked in the club business for years. This is what I’ve learned from them: Continue reading
Between the U.S. Army, Navy, the Marines, Air Force, and the Coast Guard, there are hundreds of professional military bands in existence, ranging from full-on orchestras to two stoned guys with an overturned bucket and a broken kazoo. They provide music for military funerals, celebrations, parades and everywhere else where you need a lot of noise to drown out the other servicemen complaining about how they had to be in formation three hours before the whole thing even started. I recently talked to Roy, who spent eight years in just such a band, and this is what I’ve learned: Continue reading
You don’t get into the heavy metal business to lullaby orphan kittens to sleep. You do it to sing about death, violence, and destruction while gargling gravel mixed with battery acid. However, after talking to members of extreme metal bands like Insomnium, Daylight Dies, The Fallen Divine, and Landmine Marathon, I realized that all that stuff is just a front, and that heavy metal can get pretty gosh-darn adorable once you peek behind its bloodstained curtain. For example… Continue reading
Ostrich Report 